The News
I just can’t stand it anymore. I can’t. All through those four horrendous years of our previous administration, I followed the news. Not continuously like Fred did, but I kept informed about what was happening in Washington, and in state houses around the country. I despaired, but at some point, there seemed to be an end in sight.
And indeed, when Biden was elected and the Dems narrowly took the Senate, I was cautiously, very cautiously, hopeful that at least some things would change for the better. And for a short while, at least, the tension in the air diminished a bit — people exhaled. I tried not to be too optimistic, but just couldn’t help expecting at least a provisional sense of improvement, or at minimum, of reversing some of the damage that had been done.
But apparently arrogant, self-serving attachment to control and power continues to win the day. The social injustice, racism, misogyny, anti-semitism and greed demonstrated by the Senate opposition party and the single Democratic obstructionist confounds me. To be honest, it’s stronger than that. It infuriates me, enrages me.
After so many years of meditation, of a journey of increasing equanimity, part of what frustrates me so deeply is my own inability to remain “above” the dualistic, partisan, either/or mindset of those with whom I disagree. It is the authoritarian, autocratic, stone wall of certainty that terrifies me here. And it’s clear that my fury is born of fear. Of distress to the extent that I am no longer able to tolerate hearing about voter suppression, the slow, steady demise of Roe v. Wade, the increasing violence against Asians, against Black and brown people, against Palestinians and trans people and women and more women. That such a large majority of the other party still believe the big lie and might support a comeback in the next election.
Maybe there is validity to the theory of generational trauma, of memory passed down through the DNA. Coming from a line of people who were killed by the Nazis, and before them by the Cossacks, and before them, before them. Maybe, somewhere in the molecular makeup of my genetics, I carry an innate recognition of the potential danger in the slide away from democracy that is happening here, and around the world. Or maybe it’s as simple as justified outrage that horrifies me because it’s so clearly wrong. Or maybe I’m just so tired of it all.
The constant defending against my own anger and discouragement is unfamiliar and exhausting. But that’s how it is right now, and of course, in this I am far from alone. I would prefer to be in a space of discernment, without attachment. Of awareness of what is happening, taking what action I can to do my part, but without being thrown off-center internally. I would prefer to sit “above the forest,” holding empathy and compassion for all humans, while sitting in stability and peace within myself. But alas, I’m not there, nowhere near there, and most likely never will be all the way in this lifetime. So we go on. Doing what we can. Remembering to breathe. Endeavoring to be kind. And turning off the news.
